I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize