toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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