Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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