Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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