He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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