quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize