Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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