I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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