Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize