neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize