I wish I could teleport
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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