I can tuck mytits in my pants
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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