I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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