When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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