I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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