i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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