HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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