Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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