Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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