my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize