I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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