you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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