I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize