I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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