I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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