Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize