its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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