It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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