I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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