something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize