I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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