i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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