Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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