youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize