we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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