The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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