she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
