Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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