i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize