I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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