NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
