and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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