Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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