You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my shit smells like andre
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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