He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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