my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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