So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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