windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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