i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize