So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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